1. Cigarette :
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other.
2. Love affairs :
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
3. Marriage :
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master
4. Divorce :
Future tense of marriage
5. Lecture :
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".
6. Conference :
The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
7. Compromise :
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
8. Tears :
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..
9. Dictionary :
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
10. Conference Room :
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.
11. Ecstasy :
A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.
12. Classic :
A book which people praise, but do not read.
13. Smile :
A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
14. Office :
A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
15. Yawn :
The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
16. Etc. :
A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
17. Committee:
Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
18. Experience :
The name men give to their mistakes.
19. Atom Bomb:
An invention to end all inventions.
21. Diplomat :
A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
22. Opportunist :
A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
23. Optimist :
A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."
24. Pessimist :-
A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
25. Miser :
A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
26. Father :
A banker provided by nature.
27. Criminal :
A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.
28. Boss :
Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
29. Politician :
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
30. Doctor :
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
31. Computer Engineer :
One who gets paid for reading such things...... J J J
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