Perfect Woman

PERFECT WOMAN

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their car. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated causing the perfect couple and Santa Claus to have an accident.

Who was the survivor ?

The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

If you are a Women stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

Men read on.

Since there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, so the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was an accident. By the way, if you are a woman and you are still reading this, it illustrates another point, women never listen either.

Ha ! Ha ! Ha !

Sholay Movie

A family saw "Sholay" movie. After returning back to home, husband romantically asked his wife: "Nach Basanti Nach"

Child added: "Nahin Basanti Is Kute K Samne Mat Nachna"

Software Husband

Software Husband

Husband (Returning late from work ) : "Good Evening Dear, I'm now logged in."

Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morning?

Husband : Erroneous syntax. Abort ?

Wife : What about my new TV?

Husband : Variable not found ...

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied ...

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just being funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters ...

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : By Default.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : File in use ... Try after some time.

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.

Wife : Are you going to drink some wine ?

Husband : File system is full.

Wife : What is the relation between u and your Receptionist ?

Husband : Only user in my WRITE group.

Wife : What is my value in the family ?

Husband : Unknown Virus.

Professor aur Jootey

Ek professor sahib jaldi main ja rahay they ke begum ne kaha:

"Aray paan to khate jain"

Professor sahib palat ker ayay, muh main paan rakha aur dobara chalay gey.

Begum: "aray wo jootey"

Professor sahib boley "Abhi jaldi main hoon, aa ker kha loon ga"

1 out of 250,000 (Joke)

A car is crossing a large bridge when a policeman pulls him over.

“Congratulations!” the officer says. “This is the 250,000th car to cross this bridge and you’ve won $250,000.”

“Great!” the man says, “Now I can finally get my drivers-license!”

His wife, sitting next to him hits him on the head and says to the officer, “Don’t mind him, he always lies like this when he’s drunk!”

And Grandma, who was sleeping in the back of the car, finally wakes up and yells to the man and woman: “See ? I told you, you’ll never get far in a stolen car !”

Arrange Marriage vs Love Marriage

Arrange Marriage :
2,00,000 : shadi par
4,00,000 : jewellery par
50,000 : shadi ki rasmo par
.
.
yani, shadi ke teen dino ka kharcha: Rs 6,50,000
yani shadi ke 1 din ka kharcha : Rs. 216666.6667
1 ghante ka kharcha : Rs. 9027.7778
aur 1 min ka : Rs. 150.462963
.
.
.
Uff Tauba Tuaba..

Love Marriage :
Rs 100 : stamp
20 : notery
50 ki varmala
10 photo ke
Total 180 Rs.
paisa aapka pasand aapki faisla aapka

Koun Thi Wo??

Husband Aur Wife Hotel me gaye. Tabhi 1 Lady Ne Hello Kiya, Wife Nay Pocha: Koun Thi Wo??

Husband:-Tum Dimagh Kharab Mat Karo, Main Pehle Hi Pareshan Hun K Woh Bhi Yehi Pochay Gi.

Wife & Husband

Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? 

Husband: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. 

Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you? 

Husband: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem Can there be greater than this one?

Simple Operation

A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation.

"What's the matter?" he was asked.

He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right."

"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening about that?"

"She was talking to the doctor."

Punjabi Girls

NO OFFENCE TO PUNJABI GIRLS.

Three men were sitting together bragging about how they had given their new wives duties. The first man had married a woman from New Delhi, and bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes and house cleaning. He said it took a couple days but on the third day he came home to a clean house and the dishes were done. 

The second man had married a woman from Bombay. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking. On the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done and he had a huge dinner on the table. 

The third man had married a Punjabi girl. He boasted that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry washed and hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything but by the third day most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye. 

Entry Test

Samy wanted to take admission in CDS. So, he went to CDS, filled out the form and as ya'll known had to have an interview with the director. The director told him that in order to gain admittane he must answer two questions:

1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".

2. How many seconds are in a year?

Samy thought for a few minutes and answered.

1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.

2. There are 12 seconds in a year.

The director said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"

Samy replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."

The director lets him in without another word.

Funny Cats

Secret of Success

• Top mat karo warna log tumse jalenge.
• Class me late jao, har teacher tumhe yaad rakhega.
• Nakal ka chance ho to padho mat. 
• Zyada padhne se time waste hota hai,time kharab karna buri bat hai.
• Kabhi viva mat do b’coz bezzati ke 2 marks se izzat ke 0 marks acche hote hain

Humans

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Donkey = eat + sleep

Therefore, Human = Donkey + work + enjoy

Hence, Human - enjoy = Donkey + work

In other words, Humans that don’t know enjoy = Donkey that works.

Pal Pal Taraste They

Pal “pal” taraste the us pal ke liye. “Pal” aya b to Kuch “pal” k liye. Socha tha us “pal” ko Zindagi ka haseen “pal” bana lenge. Magar wo “pal” ruka b to bus ek “pal” k liye.

Childhood

Childhood: The period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth -- two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age.

Womens Prayer

Dear Lord

I pray for wisdom to understand a man, Love to forgive him and Patience for his moods.

Because Lord, if I pray for Strength i'll just beat him to death.

New Drugs 4 Men By Women Scientists

• Aniversia: Trigers Mem0ries Of B’days & Aniversries.
• Slim’oxil: Widens Male Cornea Making Wives Apear Slim.
• Sportoblind X: Reacts Wid The Optic Nerve To Prevent Men From Recognizing The Word “Sports” On T.V.
• Workocetamol: By This,Men Will Have Insatiable Desire To Do Household Works;
• Shophofobex: Makes Men Eager To Take Wives For Shopping Every Week & Wait Patiently!

Success of Marriage

Once upon a time a married couple celebrated their 25th marriage anniversary. They had become famous in the city for not having a single conflict in their period of 25 years. 

Local newspaper editors had gathered at the occasion to find out the secret of their well known "happy going marriage". Editor: "Sir. It's amazingly unbelievable. How did you make this possible?"

Husband recalling his old honeymoon days said: "We had been to Shimla for honeymoon after marriage. Having selected the horse riding finally, we both started the ride on different horses. My horse was pretty okay but the horse on which my wife was riding seemed to be a crazy one. On the way ahead, that horse jumped suddenly, making my wife topple over.

Recovering her position from the ground, she patted the horse's back and said "This is your first time". She again climbed the horse and continued with the ride. After a while, it happened again..This time she again kept calm and said "This is your second time" and continued. When the horse dropped her third time, she silently took out the revolver from the purse and shot the horse dead!! I shouted at my wife: "What did you do you psycho. You killed the poor animal. Are you crazy?". She gave a silent look and said: "This is your first time!!!". Husband:"That's it. We are happy ever after "

Bhabhi Ji

Ek baar ek ladka rastey mein chalte chalte ek gadhe ke samne gir gaya.

Tabhi ek ladki ne use chhedte hue kaha "Apne bade bhai ka aashirwaad le rahe ho kya?" 

Ladke ne palat kar jawab diya, "Sahi farmaya bhabhi ji."